I am at a complete loss of words. My mind can't think of a title or first line, my hands are shaking, my heart is pounding. My eyes are having a hard time focusing on the screen through the tears. These men are my uncle & cousins.
I have too many memories with my cousins to count. Jed was the same age as my older brother, Colin. Jordan was the same age as my younger brother, Bryce. They have a sister who is my age...so the youngest three in their family matched the youngest three in ours. Whenever we had family things together, we would all pair up & hang out. I have many, many memories of us playing at my grandparents house just down the road from their house in Idaho. We would go back & forth between houses, sliding down ditches, swinging across them on a rope, driving their little motorcycle all around the yards, sleepovers out on their trampoline, helping them pick funny little striped bugs out of their garden, my Aunt Regina making us French bread pizza. I even remember when they had to put their dog to sleep the summer Colin & I spent a few weeks there.
But you know what? The memories aren't what's making me sad, in fact, they make me quite happy. I'm struggling most with the pain that I know the family is going through. No matter how hard I have tried, I can't quite get their faces out of my head. It's why I (along with everyone else, I'm sure) didn't sleep last night. It's why I'm awake right now at 1:30am. When I close my eyes, I see them all...my aunt, who lost her husband & both sons...my cousins, who lost their father & brothers...my grandma, lost her son & two grandkids so soon after losing her husband. And I have such an ache in my heart for Jordan's wife & little ones. Will those kids even remember how wonderful their father was? I just hurt so badly for all of them. My sadness cannot compare to theirs & unfortunately, I can do nothing to ease it for them. There's all the typical things I could say, but does it really help right now? There are no words. There is nothing I can do. They are my family, I love them, and I can't do anything. It sucks to feel so helpless. All I can do is pray for their comfort & hope they feel of my love for them.
Ron, Jed & Jordan were incredible men who will be missed greatly!
2 comments:
Emily,
I am so sorry!!!!!! I can't even imagine how hard this must be. I hope that you know that I am here for you, should you need anything at all. Please give everyone my love. I am so heartbroken for you all. I don't even know what more to say, I am just heartbroken.
Well, said. We were up too. Should have called. See you tomorrow. Love ya.
Post a Comment